Simon 'Burqa' Bailey

The Norfolk chief constable, who is also the national head of child protection, has said he backs compulsory 'modesty shorts' for schoolgirls

Well, we told you he was a wrong 'un. At least, we think we did. We certainly meant to. Maybe legal prudence got the better of us.

Whatever, any man of a certain age with contrived facial hair simply cannot be trusted. Simon Bailey, Norfolk chief constable and head of child protection nationally, is at least 56, and the shaved patch under his mouth marks out a man of at best pomposity and self-regard and at worst any character flaw you care to mention. Who the hell decided a manscaped wonder should be put in charge of the nation's children?

Bailey has been in the police for 35 years, and as he approaches retirement he has become more and more vocal, seemingly enjoying the sound of his own voice and the sight of his own face on his TV screen. However, his remarks on child safety and abuse allegations had stayed on the right side of the line, until now.

As if British girls were not sexualised enough already, he's decided to hammer home the idea that an accidental flash of a four-year-old's pants may have a terrible effect on any man who happens to see. The Times tells us that he is backing the idea of compulsory shorts under dresses at school.

“If a school wants female pupils to wear modesty shorts so that they feel confident, I am supportive," he said. "But it has to be done in the context of a broader change about how we want our youth to grow up, and that means challenging what they are seeing online.

“My view is that anything that can be done to ensure that young girls feel more secure has got to be good news, even modesty shorts.”

Naturally, clothes shops are cashing in. Next is selling “modesty shorts” for girls as young as two; River Island is at least waiting until they are five. Gap is flogging “cartwheel shorts to layer under dresses”.

The Times goes on to reveal that The Dell Primary School, in Chepstow, told parents in a text recently: “As the weather improves, we suggest that girls wear shorts/cycling shorts under their summer dress.” The head, Steve King, said it was in response to “concerns about children inadvertently showing their underwear while doing handstands”.

Why stop at shorts? A burqa would work even better, and surely adolescent boys should be kitted out in pants that give them an electric shock when they become overexcited.

We at DumbedUP believe in free choice, and if girls — teenagers, say — want to wear undershorts, fine. And we're not going to suggest that anyone who thinks these garments should be compulsory is clearly a pervert himself. That would be absurd. The whole farrago is no doubt a marketing ploy by clothes chains, which have been making a killing since time immemorial from sexualising girls prematurely and will be rubbing their hand in glee over all this free publicity.

So perhaps we should be understanding towards Bailey and accept that his work has probably left him in constant terror of the revolting practice of upskirting.

But we still think Bailey should, if has nothing sensible to say, say nothing. At least he retires this month.